Sunday, July 31, 2011
....He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. Hosea 6:3
Rain is exactly what we woke up to early this morning. Here in SoCal this is not typical at all in the summer. It was such a nice surprise for us...especially our lil woman. It's funny b/c yesterday when there was no rain in sight, she was wearing her rain boots and raincoat around the house...she was SOOOO EXCITED that she actually got to use them for what they were made for.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
has it really been
that long? i glanced at my blog the other day and could not believe it has been since peppy's party (3 months ago) that i last blogged. would it even come close to say life has been a bit busy?
i will post a few different posts over the next few days but this one i wanted to share a matter of the heart and, um, belly.
some of you might recall from 2 years + ago that i had blogged about a really hard trial that came into our lives. sadly enough, we are still in the midst of the trial...and i'm realizing i have such a thick head. the Lord needs to keep teaching me lessons because i'm just not getting them! ugh.
well, because everything happened five days before our lil woman was born, i wanted to wait until after the trial was over to get pregnant. i wanted everything about this next child to be joyful!
we found out April 29th that we are expecting. a moment that i had imagined would be a sad occasion b/c of wanting to wait, actually ended up being a joyous occasion. my parents were able to be here, again, when we found out and i was filled with peace and joy. soon after, i began to get extremely sick. there were seriously days where i thought, and voiced to este, that i didn't know how i was going to make it. being pregnant and sick with a toddler is a lot different than being a sick pregnant woman who can take naps all day long.
i had made my appointment for 7 1/2 weeks with my doctor and everything seemed quite normal for being pregnant. the week of my appointment, all of a sudden my symptoms began to decrease. i thought it might be because of the prayers of the few pple who knew that i was pregnant and sick. the night before my appointment, i spotted a little. immediately i thought something was wrong. adding everything up in my head, it just seemed like something was off. after some internet research, my husband eased my fears and i slept quite alright that night.
the next morning we were off with our toddler in hand to see the baby in my belly. once there, the doctor had trouble finding the baby. once he did, he said it was only measuring 5 1/2 weeks. i knew for certain how far along i should be and he ordered a blood test. i knew it. i knew i was going to lose the baby. that day, i didnt even feel nauseated once, i had spotted, and now the baby was measuring weeks smaller. i knew something was wrong and was waiting to lose the baby any moment. i was mad. i couldn't believe the Lord had given us such a gift in such a time that we were living in and then saw fit to take it away.
i began to mourn my child. 2 days later, i needed to go get my 2nd blood test to see if my hcg levels had increased...and i almost didn't even go because i thought, why do all this when i know im just going to lose the baby. my dad flew out that day and brought a lot of comfort and distraction which is what i needed...(we found swamp people and this was the greatest distraction ever!) i called the office the next day to hear that my hormone levels were so high that it looked as if i might have a tubular pregnancy. b/c it was going into a holiday weekend, they scheduled me to get an ultrasound at another place the following tuesday. i continued to grieve. i remember saying to so many people as they hoped for the best, that "i know somethings wrong." i had a wonderful friend that would check on me everyday and have so much hope for the child to still be alive but i was thinking, "i know im losing this baby."
tuesday came around and my father stayed home to watch the pep while este and i went to the ultrasound place. it couldn't have been any worse. i got there to realize they had none of my stuff, esteban couldn't come back with me, and they couldn't tell me anything...i would have to wait a few days for my doctor to call me. i couldn't believe it, i wanted to just get the head nod that this or that was happening and move past this teeter totter stage. i had mourned and needed to have some closure and yet this was all going to be soooo drawn out.
after sitting in the waiting room, of one of the most rudest office i have ever been in, i was called back. i was told to lay on the table and pull up my shirt. the girl looked at me and said in such an annoyed voice, "your bladder's not full. i cant see anything. you need a full bladder!" nobody had told me this and so she said i had to go drink 6 cups of water and wait an hour in the waiting room and then come back. i was livid. i was ready to be home, plus peppy hadn't pooped yet and my dad has one hand. what in the world was he going to do if she pooped. ahhh! i cooled down once i realized i was making este upset and he was about to go and have a talk with these nurses. i suddenly was ok :)
45 minutes later, a different woman came and got me and was sooo nice compared to anybody else in that building! after 15 minutes of doing an external and internal ultrasound, she said, "i'm about to print some pictures for you of the baby." i said, "what? you see the baby? is it in my tubes?" she said, "i can't tell you that but i can tell you you have nothing to worry about." i started crying and couldn't stop. she showed me the baby and its heart beating and i was in awe. i ran out to the waiting room bawling and instructed este to go outside (the waiting room was quite full) when we got out there he said, "what's wrong?" i just said, "im so happy!" and showed him my baby that was sooo totally alive. we hugged, cried, and praised our mighty God.
i began to remember all the times where i said, "i know this or i know that!" and yet how wrong i was. maybe the baby was alright the whole time. maybe the baby was not but the Lord did a miracle in my womb. i know that His ways are not my ways and whatever things look like, i have no clue what He has planned but i need to rely upon Him...and wait upon Him. oh the plans my Lord has for this bundle inside of me.
shall i say, i am now 16 weeks pregnant with a little boy and he is not measuring 2 weeks small but rather 2 weeks larger. is that not our God? the magnificent creator...the One who has bid both my kids' hearts to beat. Praise you, Jesus!
i will post a few different posts over the next few days but this one i wanted to share a matter of the heart and, um, belly.
some of you might recall from 2 years + ago that i had blogged about a really hard trial that came into our lives. sadly enough, we are still in the midst of the trial...and i'm realizing i have such a thick head. the Lord needs to keep teaching me lessons because i'm just not getting them! ugh.
well, because everything happened five days before our lil woman was born, i wanted to wait until after the trial was over to get pregnant. i wanted everything about this next child to be joyful!
we found out April 29th that we are expecting. a moment that i had imagined would be a sad occasion b/c of wanting to wait, actually ended up being a joyous occasion. my parents were able to be here, again, when we found out and i was filled with peace and joy. soon after, i began to get extremely sick. there were seriously days where i thought, and voiced to este, that i didn't know how i was going to make it. being pregnant and sick with a toddler is a lot different than being a sick pregnant woman who can take naps all day long.
i had made my appointment for 7 1/2 weeks with my doctor and everything seemed quite normal for being pregnant. the week of my appointment, all of a sudden my symptoms began to decrease. i thought it might be because of the prayers of the few pple who knew that i was pregnant and sick. the night before my appointment, i spotted a little. immediately i thought something was wrong. adding everything up in my head, it just seemed like something was off. after some internet research, my husband eased my fears and i slept quite alright that night.
the next morning we were off with our toddler in hand to see the baby in my belly. once there, the doctor had trouble finding the baby. once he did, he said it was only measuring 5 1/2 weeks. i knew for certain how far along i should be and he ordered a blood test. i knew it. i knew i was going to lose the baby. that day, i didnt even feel nauseated once, i had spotted, and now the baby was measuring weeks smaller. i knew something was wrong and was waiting to lose the baby any moment. i was mad. i couldn't believe the Lord had given us such a gift in such a time that we were living in and then saw fit to take it away.
i began to mourn my child. 2 days later, i needed to go get my 2nd blood test to see if my hcg levels had increased...and i almost didn't even go because i thought, why do all this when i know im just going to lose the baby. my dad flew out that day and brought a lot of comfort and distraction which is what i needed...(we found swamp people and this was the greatest distraction ever!) i called the office the next day to hear that my hormone levels were so high that it looked as if i might have a tubular pregnancy. b/c it was going into a holiday weekend, they scheduled me to get an ultrasound at another place the following tuesday. i continued to grieve. i remember saying to so many people as they hoped for the best, that "i know somethings wrong." i had a wonderful friend that would check on me everyday and have so much hope for the child to still be alive but i was thinking, "i know im losing this baby."
tuesday came around and my father stayed home to watch the pep while este and i went to the ultrasound place. it couldn't have been any worse. i got there to realize they had none of my stuff, esteban couldn't come back with me, and they couldn't tell me anything...i would have to wait a few days for my doctor to call me. i couldn't believe it, i wanted to just get the head nod that this or that was happening and move past this teeter totter stage. i had mourned and needed to have some closure and yet this was all going to be soooo drawn out.
after sitting in the waiting room, of one of the most rudest office i have ever been in, i was called back. i was told to lay on the table and pull up my shirt. the girl looked at me and said in such an annoyed voice, "your bladder's not full. i cant see anything. you need a full bladder!" nobody had told me this and so she said i had to go drink 6 cups of water and wait an hour in the waiting room and then come back. i was livid. i was ready to be home, plus peppy hadn't pooped yet and my dad has one hand. what in the world was he going to do if she pooped. ahhh! i cooled down once i realized i was making este upset and he was about to go and have a talk with these nurses. i suddenly was ok :)
45 minutes later, a different woman came and got me and was sooo nice compared to anybody else in that building! after 15 minutes of doing an external and internal ultrasound, she said, "i'm about to print some pictures for you of the baby." i said, "what? you see the baby? is it in my tubes?" she said, "i can't tell you that but i can tell you you have nothing to worry about." i started crying and couldn't stop. she showed me the baby and its heart beating and i was in awe. i ran out to the waiting room bawling and instructed este to go outside (the waiting room was quite full) when we got out there he said, "what's wrong?" i just said, "im so happy!" and showed him my baby that was sooo totally alive. we hugged, cried, and praised our mighty God.
i began to remember all the times where i said, "i know this or i know that!" and yet how wrong i was. maybe the baby was alright the whole time. maybe the baby was not but the Lord did a miracle in my womb. i know that His ways are not my ways and whatever things look like, i have no clue what He has planned but i need to rely upon Him...and wait upon Him. oh the plans my Lord has for this bundle inside of me.
shall i say, i am now 16 weeks pregnant with a little boy and he is not measuring 2 weeks small but rather 2 weeks larger. is that not our God? the magnificent creator...the One who has bid both my kids' hearts to beat. Praise you, Jesus!
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